Here, There, Dive Deep

Since my goal was to write more this year, why not start on the very first day. 

It's been a long week. I typically don't care for the last week of December as it is slow going. I am always anxious for January to come so life can get going again. 

About a month before we moved, Brent and I were headed to one of our supporting churches to speak. I told Brent I remembered missionaries coming to speak at my church growing up, I loved it. I loved their God stories, they had amazing lives, and did the coolest things - they seemed to be so awesome. 

Then I laughed because now we were the "missionaries" going to speak at churches. I thought "if the people at this church think about us how I used to view missionaries - they are in for a big disappointment." We are just Brent and Marianne. 

I suppose these expectations are remnants of my teenage understanding of what a missionary did. I didn't realize then that missionaries were normal people who just lived their lives. We filled out some forms the other day that included the question of our occupation. I wrote missionary, but it felt like someone different, better, greater should be using that term. However, that is what it says under my name on the business cards, so we’re just going to go with it. 

Because of the holidays, I have been pondering more frequently the questions that have been on my mind for awhile. 

Don't be too shocked, I'm thinking most people and parents have thought these same things.

    1. My main concern is the girls and their lives. Did we make a huge mistake in bringing them here? I am deeply sad that both of them are missing out their friends, school, opportunities, American church culture, and on all the things offered in the States. What will they become? 

    2. Did we do the right thing concerning Ben? He is 21 and working and living on his own, but still needs his family.

    3. What about our friends and families? We are missing being a daily part of their lives. So much change happens each week. It's hard to keep up. It's even harder to explain. 

We are here for at least three years. Honestly, we hope continue to work with HVG for many more years. My long-time friend, Melissa, once told me that maybe we were sojourners - "a person who resides temporarily in a place". That has seemed very true for our entire married life. It doesn't bother me until I go back to the girls - they need roots. They need steady, close friends, I want them to have a good education, and they need outlets for growing their talents and figuring out their passions. 

This week I was prompted by a new friend's Facebook post to re-read 1 Kings 17- 18 - I was surprised that I had forgotten those chapters hold part of Elijah's story. I did a study on him by Pricilla Shirir at the beginning of 2021. I stopped reading in 1 Kings 18:21. Elijah is talking to Israel and the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel. 

Elijah says: "...How long will you hesitate between 2 opinions? if Yahweh is God follow Him. But if Baal, follow him...."

There was my answer in the form of a question to all my questions, concerns, and fears:  

Was I going to keep worrying and fearing for my girls or was I going to follow God by letting Him raise them and work out His plans for their lives. Am I going to follow God by teaching them about God, learning how to homeschool them so they can have a good education, and learn to be an effective parent? Or am I going to mourn the losses the entire time and thereby squashing any and all growth that is planned and possible and necessary to our lives? Am I going to fret over the future or am I going to dive deep here? 

Jim Elliot said, "Wherever you are, be all there." It makes so much sense now. I am glad it is more easier to keep up with family and friends daily thru social media and messages than even when Jim was alive. I am super thankful we are just a few plane rides away from being able to visit home (unlike some people way in the past who never got to return or had to take ships which took months or even a year to get home). Medical needs are met quicker and easier during this age. Good education is here for the girls via the internet. 

It doesn't matter if we move again in 3 years or if we stay here for 6 more years, the point is to follow Yahweh - He is God.  Even though we might desire stay - we follow God. To not, could be disastrous. 

I have got to have obedience like Abraham.

Abraham is the life I have been "stuck" on since sometime in 2018 with Hebrews 11:8 being a key verse, "By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went out to a place he was going to receive as an inheritance. He went out, not knowing where he was going." Not to mention Genesis 12:1 that stuck in my heart January 2021. 

I finally wrote down several things I learned or noticed about Abraham’s life and my thoughts in a post last February. I had to get out of me somehow. You can read it - just click here.

Joshua was the book I started reading 3 weeks before we left for Uganda in 2021. Sometimes I tend to read into things, but I thought it was cool to start reading a book where the Israelites were finally getting to go into the Promised Land, just as we were about to more to a new country too. 

I believe that the girls are called here just as much as we are because we are a family and this is where God has placed us. They are living out His plan for them now. This may not be the desire for their individual lives when they grow up and move out on their own. That's all ok by me. God has them and has gifted them talents and passions they can use for Him wherever they land after high school. They are not forgotten. 

There is loss and mourning over the “could haves” or “should haves”. It's necessary to mourn these losses. I tend to skip some of the mourning, push it aside, and just barrel on through. But if you don't work through the mourning, you cannot move forward. We've experienced this in adoption as well. So here I am working out in black and white. Yes, the girls (and me and Brent) are missing things there and they/we are gaining things here. Following Jesus doesn’t mean there isn’t a some heartbreak to carry around. We want our family and friends to see and be here with us. 

So for 2022 the plan is to dive deep. Deep into God and into the life here where He has us and relax my expectations of daily life or what I think ministry should be or look like. If we are rooted in Christ - we will always be home.