// Alicia // a voice for some of the least of these

"I used to be scared of life, but God saw something and gave me a voice for the least of these. This is my story."                                                                                                                                                            

It was the summer before my junior year of high school when my mother, my grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and I traveled to across two states to visit family.   During our visit, my mother’s cousin asked if we could take her two sons to live with us for the summer.  Her cousin was fighting a drug addiction and was currently homeless. My mom never hesitated. She called my dad and the next thing I knew, two little boys and a garbage bag full of clothes were loaded into our car. It wasn’t until we got home that I learned their story and understood why they wanted to stop at every McDonald’s over the next 630 miles. In between stuffing French fries in their mouth and taking long sips of the large coke, my little cousins told me about stealing food to survive, driving a car after their mom passed out from who knows what, and moving place to place. Their lifestyle was something my 16-year-old brain could not comprehend at the time.

I don't think any of us expected what a hard adjustment it would be when we added two more to our family of five living in our three-bedroom mobile home. My parents were barely making ends meet, but they never once questioned their decision. We learned what love and sacrifice really meant. 

The most difficult thing was watching these two boys struggle to adjust to what some may call a “normal” life, if "normal life" is even a real thing. One had terrible night terrors which caused him to run through the house crying and screaming. One had so much rage that he would hit and curse at anyone who got in his way when mad. They were traumatized by whatever hell they had been living through. 

My parents had no training or support to deal with the behaviors, but they loved my cousins and worked hard to give the boys a new start in life. Eventually I watched as these two little boys grew up to become successful, loving, kind young men. 

That summer turned into forever and I had no idea the impact of adding two pestering little brothers would have on me.

I was the first one in my family to attend college. I went off to college at the age of 17.  I love weather and had dreams of becoming a tornado chaser. However, that dream ended quckly with a little thing called math. Math is not a strong suit for me.  I struggled with what I wanted to do.  I took my sweet time deciding because, well, it was college, and why rush the best time of your life? I made amazing friends and took incredible journeys. I spent several summers as a summer missionary working with inner city children and food banks in Philadelphia, Boston, and Montgomery. I went on mission trips across the country and around the world which cultivated my desire to help others. Thankfully, my parents were always supportive in my crazy ideas, even when I changed my major three times!

It wasn’t until I was randomly sitting in an Intro to Social Work class that I felt the call to work with abused and neglected children. I can look back now and see how God had preparing me since that summer my cousins came to live with us. Without even knowing it, God had been using them to help me find my purpose.

I came home that fall and got a job at the Department of Human Resources. Two weeks later, I was out in the field on my first case - ALONE! It was sort of like throwing the sheep to the wolves. The reason for putting me on a case alone so soon after I was hired was there were not enough workers in DHR. Some how I survived that first case! That was twelve years ago and I haven't looked back. 

I have had the support of my family, my co-workers, and countless friends from the beginning. These people are my village. You a village that to survive in this industry. My co-workers are the best people on earth. We hold up each other’s arms and vent to each other. We cry and laugh together, sometimes at the weirdest things. Social workers can have a strange sense of humor. Humor provides relief in stressful situations. 

I met my husband, Rodney, at church. We were both helping with the youth group. We started talking at a softball game and seven years later - we have three children and a wonderful life together. He is my unending encouragement, love, and support. Rodney and I love to go camping and spend time with our kids. I love my family more than anything. 

Being a social worker, I feel like I have seen and heard the worst from people, but also the very best of people. I meet families when they are at their lowest and my goal is to offer all of them hope and redemption. The Bible talks about God fighting for us. He fights for the family. He established the family. It is a sacred unit. When a child enters foster care, the goal is to fight for the family. Whether the kids are able to return home, are placed with a relative, or are adopted into a new family, the goal is always to fight for family. Part of my job as a social worker is to develop a plan for parents to reach the goal of their kids returning to their home safely. I monitor steps to make sure parents are making progress with the plans and goals we have set together. I make sure that the children are getting therapy appointments to help them heal and make some sense of things that have happened in their lives. 

Whenever a child comes to me through foster care, I consider them “mine”. Their stories and lives become a part of me. I love all of them and work to find them a family that will love and care for them in the best way. Children are only placed with a foster family who have completed our foster program. I maintain contact with the foster parents and child(ren) through monthly visits. If there are some issues that come up with the kids, we address those issues the best way possible. Biological parent visits are set up for once a month. Some kids have to be placed in a group home. I visit those kids too. I never leave a child until their case has been closed. I will do everything in my power to ensure the safety and love for a child. 

I always aim to restore the family. I try to work with parents in every way possible, but some parents do not wish to work towards the goals or to be helped. This is heartbreaking. Over time it becomes evident that some parents are not going to work on their plan and are not wanting to reach their goals for reunification. Some parents even flat out refuse to make changes in their life. That's when the very hard decision for parental rights to be terminated has to be made. Before this happens, three or more court hearings are held. I am present for every hearing. The kids are never present, unless they are 14 and older and at that time they have the choice of attending the hearings or not. These hearings are awful and painful for everyone in the courtroom. Terminating the rights of parents are extremely emotional and its is never taken lightly nor without the many attempts for parent/child reunification first.  

When a case is closed, I do try to keep in touch with the kids as they grow up. Sometimes I even become friends with the adoptive parents. They will occasionally send me pictures or milestone accomplishments. Some of the kids are old enough to be able to keep in touch with me on their own. I have had some call years later and tell me that I am going to be a grandma! 

There are countless times I have wanted to quit my job. I wonder if it’s worth it. 

I have secondary PTSD. 

I have been the center of a social media circus and the reason for a protest. 

I have been called every name in the book and even received death threats. 

I have held hungry babies, crying toddlers, and broken teens. 

I have bathed dirty kids and combed lice filled hair. 

I have had stripper shoes thrown at me and have been assaulted. 

You name it - it's probably happened to me!

Being called out in the middle of night to a family’s house sometimes is draining. I have concern for my own family’s well-being. When Rodney and I married, I warned him about who he was marrying and what he was getting himself into. This job can get emotional!      I don’t want to take my bad days out on my family. I try my best to be home when I am home and leave work at work, but sometimes that proves harder than you think. 

I pray more and love harder. I remind myself and my family about how blessed we are to be together. 

I have to confess, I get so angry with people. I struggle with being jaded and getting burned out. Victories seem few and far between. Dealing with abuse and neglect everyday takes its toll on you. There are one hundred reasons why I want to quit some days. But there are 168 reasons why I stay. One hundred sixty-eight. That’s home many children are in foster care in this County alone right now. God brought me into this profession to help fight for the family and for kids. When families are reunified or are adopted into their forever family, the celebration is huge! 

These foster kids are my heart. When I feel angry, I have learned to fuel that passion for good. I’m passionate because I have seen firsthand the damage that can be done to a child but also the difference that can be made when someone cares. I used to be quiet, but I found my voice and I use it to speak (loudly) for those who cannot speak for themselves. I have learned to be able to  speak my mind firmly and speak with authority when I need to without thinking twice! That shy 16-year-old now has the power to make a difference in the lives of the families I work with daily. This is not a career that you choose. More times than not, this career chooses you. It is in that realization you discover why you are passionate about a career that is so stressful, so difficult, and so demanding. I believe we all have a defining moment and it is important to remember that moment to renew our passion and find the strength to move forward during the hard parts.

I have learned so much about people in this profession. It’s not just about what they do, but the why. The why enables us to learn how to help parents in the best way. Sadly, most of the time people have been through something terrible and that causes them to react negatively. When I enter a house and sit at someone’s table, I remind myself that God loves them the same as He loves me and I need to love them. 

I have seen God change more hearts and lives than I could have thought possible. I watch kids who have been abused, blossom in the right circumstances. I have seen parents overcome addiction. I have fought hard battles and advocated for hundreds of kids. I have seen grace and redemption restore families. God always comes and walks with me through every case with every family. 

Every case reminds me of my brothers - which is why I can get a little too passionate and causes me to get into trouble. I want “my kids" to know that someone cares for them. I want them to know I will do my best to keep them safe. I want them to know they are loved and give them every opportunity to succeed. I know there will be times I will fail, but it will never be from lack of trying.

God has given you a passion too. It probably looks different than you thought. But He's uses everything in your life to prepare for it. Following Him will allow you to become a person who sees people and the world differently. He will help you find your voice and use it to bring Him to the world around you. Just ask Him.

***********************************

Hundreds of kids have come to Alicia through the foster care system. Sometimes families are restored and sometimes restoration is not possible. Those moments when a child finds their forever family are invaluable. Alicia has been apart of 50+ adoption stories with many more to come. 

There are approximately 500,000+ children in foster care in the US. Foster parents are desperately needed. If you want more information about becoming a foster parent or adopting a child, contact your local county human resources department. You will complete a ten-week program. You must also have a home study and background check before you are approved. 

Sometimes foster parents just need a weekend away and becoming a respite family is super helpful. You still go thru the training, but this is specifically for help for a foster family for just a few days or a week as they go on vacation and have a rest. 

If foster parenting isn’t an option for you right now, but you desire to help, here are some ways you can be apart:

*When foster parents get new placements, extra meals and household items are always needed and appreciated. 

*Check in with moms and dads who are foster parents. Take them to coffee or lunch and just listen with an open heart. 

*There is a program called FACES – Families And Children Experiencing Separation – you can become a special “friend” of a foster child. In this program it enables you to give gifts for birthdays or just because and money to help pay for extracurricular activities. They need sponsors at Christmas time too. 

*Support your local DHR. 

Information

Click the link below to get information on your specific county in Alabama:

http://dhr.alabama.gov/counties/county_select.aspx 

Other links to consider

www.adoptuskids.org

www.heartgalleryalabama.com

www.alabamachild.org

<<<<<< This story was first published in 2019, since then, Alicia, has taken a supervisor position. Her heart is the same and now she is able to train other social workers under her servant leadership style of influence.>>>>>>

Alicia said about this experience of sharing her story:  ".... a friend approached me about doing a story about my life as a social worker. This story and my favorite picture ever were the result of her work. I'm so thankful I have this to look back on to remind me of my why."