National Adoption Month
It's National Adoption Month. I think there is an official National Adoption Day somewhere in there too, I'm not real sure though. There is also an Orphan Sunday.
I was hesitant to post about it. I was trying to picture my kids sitting in a pew of a church who hosted an Orphan Sunday and imagine how they would feel. Would they feel ashamed or embarrassed? Would they be reminded of events in their past? Would they feel like a spectacle or that people were staring at them? I don't want any of that for them. I don't want them to feel that adoption is something bad that had to happen to them. I don't not want them to be made to feel like a victim of people's pity.
I decided to go ahead and post a little bit anyway. There is a great need in the foster care and adoption world. I think that a month or day devoted to making people aware is a good thing. Sure the whole appeal can come across that you are saving or rescuing a child. But I can assure that the child does not see themselves as needing to be saved or rescued. They will let you know it as soon as they cross the threshold into your house too.
A few years ago a lady told me how brave we were to adopt our kids. I think I said something like, "no not brave, more like insanity." We laughed because sometimes having 3 children makes your house very lively and loud. Probably not the best response, but it's the second thing that came to my mind. The first thing was that "we are not brave, we are dying."
Not what you expected to hear was it? Children with trauma and great loss bring it with them. They need you to heal. But healing is painful. Healing takes time. Sometimes a lifetime. There is a need for support for these families. --- Ok. Really. Let's be honest. Every family needs support whether they do not have any children or have lost children, have birthed their children, have blended families, have adopted their children, or are in foster parenting. We all need healing, support, and understanding. But this post focuses only on 2 of those aspects of family. ---
So here's the thing, if your church or group hosts an Orphan Sunday or National Adoption Day be respectful of the children who have been adopted or are living with foster parents. Talk to the families before you go all out. Find out what they might like to say or teach about adoption/foster care.
Whatever way you promote this, do actually get involved. Find a way that works for you to "look after orphans in their time of distress". It may not be to adopt or foster, but there are other ways to help. I listed a few that I thought of below.
For families who have recently added a child/children to their family thru foster care or adoption here a few practical ways to help:
*Provide clothes, car seats, toys, bedding, any material item really. Nice hand me downs are perfect.
*Meals (this is the most helpful thing)
*Have your kids meet their kids and befriend them.
*Don't be easily offended if you are asked not to hug the newly adopted/foster child or any other "rule" that the foster/adoptive parents ask of you.
*Ask if you can come over and visit and when you go, do something - help clean the dishes, pick up toys, fold laundry, etc. Don't just sit on the couch. You're not going for tea.
*Now, sometimes it's better not to ask, just do it. Just say: "Hey, I'm bringing a meal over on Monday around 5:00. Is that a good time?" or "I am free on Thursday afternoon, I will come help you do some laundry around 1:30, how does that sound?" You may just get the bear hug of your life.
*If you see a meltdown happening with the child, don't stare. If you see a way you can help, do it. Insider Info: the parent could also be melting on the inside. Your kindness and understanding could help the parent. Which in-turn will help them help the child.
*Offer to baby-sit (free). Script: "I am available on Friday night, would you like for me to keep the kids while you and your husband go out." Baby-sitters are tricky for the children. So don't be offended if the answer is no. Try again in a few weeks/months and let the parents know they can call when they feel their child is ready for a baby-sitter.
*If the children are in school, take mom or dad out for a Starbucks after the kids are dropped off. Listen and be supportive. Be a safe person and don't be shocked at anything he/she may say to you. Don't gossip about it either.
*If the parents work, take one parent for brunch on Saturday and the other the next Saturday.
This list is in no way exhaustive. You can be creative in your ways to help families.
Other ways to help:
You can look into becoming a foster parent. You can start with your county's Department of Human Services. They have classes and train you. They even have respite foster parenting where you take a child for a a few days/weeks to help out a foster family. Foster parenting is also away to protect kids from trafficking.
You can look into adoption. Google is good place to start. :) There are agencies all over the US. You can adopt domestically or internationally. You do not have even have to live in the same state as your adoption agency. How did we find our agency? I called the local pregnancy resource center. I told them we were looking into adoption and asked if they knew of an agency I could contact. They gave the name of an agency about an hour from our house. (Side note: DO NOT tell me that you don't have the money. NOBODY has the money when they apply for adoption. You can raise it. It takes a village.) You can foster to adopt. I'm pretty sure it's free. Maybe a few legal fees. I'm not sure, you'll have to ask.
You can support your city or state children's homes. Donations are always accepted. You could even think about becoming house parents or relief house parents for the children's homes. Volunteer at a children's home once a week if possible.
If you are considering moving out of the country, I know a great children's home in Peru that could use some house parents for a few years!
You can read books and articles on adoption and foster care. Dr. Karyn Purvis is the EXPERT start with anything written by her. She partners with Show Hope to put on Empowered to Connect conference for families. Brent and I have attended one of these conferences. It is fabulous. If a family you know has not been able to attend a conference, *offer to pay for them to attend*. That would be awesome.
Attending an adoption or foster care support group or ask around if there is a need, just start one. There are resource online for starting a support group. We were apart of a group. It was the best. Most adoptive/foster families feel alone, a support group provides relief and a common bond. ***Insider info: provide free childcare in the place where you will meet. ***Insider Info: in the support group we attended, one of the leaders had not adopted nor fostered children. She and her husband were wanting to help and support other families. They wanted to be involved. We loved getting to know them and the support they provided. So you do not have to have experience to start a group, just a desire to help and to learn. We started with reading the book The Connected Child and doing the workbook, Created to Connect, and discussing the chapters.
Volunteer at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center.
Support a child/children through World Vision or Compassion International. A radio station I listen to partners with Compassion. Each year they have a week or two where they promote Compassion and you are able to support these kids. It makes me want to sponsor a different child every day.
Support Show Hope and other non-profits with the same vision of helping orphans.
Support His Voice Global.
Find a church or group join their teams who work with orphanages and children's homes. This will be awesome for you. There are all kinds of organizations who help with orphans around the world and you can get involved with them.
There are probably more ways to help. *Update* someone recently reminded me about kids with parents in prison and their families who need help.
The point is to get involved with orphan care or adoption or foster care.
If you don't know where to start, in this day you can pretty much Google what you want to know. Contacting or searching the websites of the North American Mission Board and International Mission Board is a good place to start.
Foster care/adoption is mostly about dying to yourself daily.
Giving of your time, money, and other physical resources are needed. But it's giving yourself and your heart that counts the most. Giving yourself and your heart is what will make the most difference.
I was hesitant to post about it. I was trying to picture my kids sitting in a pew of a church who hosted an Orphan Sunday and imagine how they would feel. Would they feel ashamed or embarrassed? Would they be reminded of events in their past? Would they feel like a spectacle or that people were staring at them? I don't want any of that for them. I don't want them to feel that adoption is something bad that had to happen to them. I don't not want them to be made to feel like a victim of people's pity.
I decided to go ahead and post a little bit anyway. There is a great need in the foster care and adoption world. I think that a month or day devoted to making people aware is a good thing. Sure the whole appeal can come across that you are saving or rescuing a child. But I can assure that the child does not see themselves as needing to be saved or rescued. They will let you know it as soon as they cross the threshold into your house too.
A few years ago a lady told me how brave we were to adopt our kids. I think I said something like, "no not brave, more like insanity." We laughed because sometimes having 3 children makes your house very lively and loud. Probably not the best response, but it's the second thing that came to my mind. The first thing was that "we are not brave, we are dying."
Not what you expected to hear was it? Children with trauma and great loss bring it with them. They need you to heal. But healing is painful. Healing takes time. Sometimes a lifetime. There is a need for support for these families. --- Ok. Really. Let's be honest. Every family needs support whether they do not have any children or have lost children, have birthed their children, have blended families, have adopted their children, or are in foster parenting. We all need healing, support, and understanding. But this post focuses only on 2 of those aspects of family. ---
So here's the thing, if your church or group hosts an Orphan Sunday or National Adoption Day be respectful of the children who have been adopted or are living with foster parents. Talk to the families before you go all out. Find out what they might like to say or teach about adoption/foster care.
Whatever way you promote this, do actually get involved. Find a way that works for you to "look after orphans in their time of distress". It may not be to adopt or foster, but there are other ways to help. I listed a few that I thought of below.
For families who have recently added a child/children to their family thru foster care or adoption here a few practical ways to help:
*Provide clothes, car seats, toys, bedding, any material item really. Nice hand me downs are perfect.
*Meals (this is the most helpful thing)
*Have your kids meet their kids and befriend them.
*Don't be easily offended if you are asked not to hug the newly adopted/foster child or any other "rule" that the foster/adoptive parents ask of you.
*Ask if you can come over and visit and when you go, do something - help clean the dishes, pick up toys, fold laundry, etc. Don't just sit on the couch. You're not going for tea.
*Now, sometimes it's better not to ask, just do it. Just say: "Hey, I'm bringing a meal over on Monday around 5:00. Is that a good time?" or "I am free on Thursday afternoon, I will come help you do some laundry around 1:30, how does that sound?" You may just get the bear hug of your life.
*If you see a meltdown happening with the child, don't stare. If you see a way you can help, do it. Insider Info: the parent could also be melting on the inside. Your kindness and understanding could help the parent. Which in-turn will help them help the child.
*Offer to baby-sit (free). Script: "I am available on Friday night, would you like for me to keep the kids while you and your husband go out." Baby-sitters are tricky for the children. So don't be offended if the answer is no. Try again in a few weeks/months and let the parents know they can call when they feel their child is ready for a baby-sitter.
*If the children are in school, take mom or dad out for a Starbucks after the kids are dropped off. Listen and be supportive. Be a safe person and don't be shocked at anything he/she may say to you. Don't gossip about it either.
*If the parents work, take one parent for brunch on Saturday and the other the next Saturday.
This list is in no way exhaustive. You can be creative in your ways to help families.
Other ways to help:
You can look into becoming a foster parent. You can start with your county's Department of Human Services. They have classes and train you. They even have respite foster parenting where you take a child for a a few days/weeks to help out a foster family. Foster parenting is also away to protect kids from trafficking.
You can look into adoption. Google is good place to start. :) There are agencies all over the US. You can adopt domestically or internationally. You do not have even have to live in the same state as your adoption agency. How did we find our agency? I called the local pregnancy resource center. I told them we were looking into adoption and asked if they knew of an agency I could contact. They gave the name of an agency about an hour from our house. (Side note: DO NOT tell me that you don't have the money. NOBODY has the money when they apply for adoption. You can raise it. It takes a village.) You can foster to adopt. I'm pretty sure it's free. Maybe a few legal fees. I'm not sure, you'll have to ask.
You can support your city or state children's homes. Donations are always accepted. You could even think about becoming house parents or relief house parents for the children's homes. Volunteer at a children's home once a week if possible.
If you are considering moving out of the country, I know a great children's home in Peru that could use some house parents for a few years!
You can read books and articles on adoption and foster care. Dr. Karyn Purvis is the EXPERT start with anything written by her. She partners with Show Hope to put on Empowered to Connect conference for families. Brent and I have attended one of these conferences. It is fabulous. If a family you know has not been able to attend a conference, *offer to pay for them to attend*. That would be awesome.
Attending an adoption or foster care support group or ask around if there is a need, just start one. There are resource online for starting a support group. We were apart of a group. It was the best. Most adoptive/foster families feel alone, a support group provides relief and a common bond. ***Insider info: provide free childcare in the place where you will meet. ***Insider Info: in the support group we attended, one of the leaders had not adopted nor fostered children. She and her husband were wanting to help and support other families. They wanted to be involved. We loved getting to know them and the support they provided. So you do not have to have experience to start a group, just a desire to help and to learn. We started with reading the book The Connected Child and doing the workbook, Created to Connect, and discussing the chapters.
Volunteer at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center.
Support a child/children through World Vision or Compassion International. A radio station I listen to partners with Compassion. Each year they have a week or two where they promote Compassion and you are able to support these kids. It makes me want to sponsor a different child every day.
Support Show Hope and other non-profits with the same vision of helping orphans.
Support His Voice Global.
Find a church or group join their teams who work with orphanages and children's homes. This will be awesome for you. There are all kinds of organizations who help with orphans around the world and you can get involved with them.
There are probably more ways to help. *Update* someone recently reminded me about kids with parents in prison and their families who need help.
The point is to get involved with orphan care or adoption or foster care.
If you don't know where to start, in this day you can pretty much Google what you want to know. Contacting or searching the websites of the North American Mission Board and International Mission Board is a good place to start.
Foster care/adoption is mostly about dying to yourself daily.
Giving of your time, money, and other physical resources are needed. But it's giving yourself and your heart that counts the most. Giving yourself and your heart is what will make the most difference.
Comments