These Small Things

“Turn on the power, please God.”

I prayed laying on the bed in the sticky hot room. The window was open and not a breeze was blowing. It was quiet. Thankfully. Last night the drums were beating in the distance somewhere and I thought the Jumanji game had come to life.

It is actually cooler outside than inside. There’s a hammock tied between the guava tree and a porch beam right outside my hallway. I would have preferred to sleep outside since our little concrete house seems to hold heat. But there aren’t any mosquito nets outside. There are little lizards and large lizards. There is dog who barks at everything. Not to mention, the off chance that someone will jump the barbed wire that winds over and around the entire premise of our fenced yard. We have nothing worth taking. Not even bikes. 

The city power goes off for most of the day, so we run on solar during the day. The solar power hasn’t been working correctly lately and tonight it keeps turning itself on and off every 15 minutes or so. Side Note: did you know you have to clean solar panels? Neither did I. Someone is coming on Tuesday to look at it.  It’s just a backup, not our main source of electricity. 

The silence continued. I wasn’t even sure if my prayer was warranted. Of course, God could turn the power back on if He wanted too. But my prayer was nothing more than a wish for God to take away my discomfort. 

The sound of the fan whirling creating white noise and a cooling wind is necessary for sleeping here … at least for me. 

Was I treating God like a genie? Was the prayer just a request for God to answer my every beckon call? Did I somehow think I deserved to have a fan or the solar to magically keep working all night just because I am a Christian here in Africa?  I mean we have already had water issues and car troubles - do we have to have power struggles all in the same two weeks?! 

Lord, forgive me. Who am I? No one. I am nothing, but a vapor floating thru this world wherever the Wind might take me. 

As a Christian, I have know already been given more favor and more blessing than I could ever imagine. I do not want to abuse the grace given or take it for granted. So I started writing. It helps me focus my thoughts. Some really hard circumstances in our life have shown me that God’s presence, His nearness to us, is worth more than changing circumstance or pain. I feel like that statement could be taken as callous - believe me it’s not.  God redeems everything. But it is my choice to be aware of His presence and choose to see Him. 

This really has nothing to do with a fan - in fact the lack of power is not worth mentioning. The power and water issues and car troubles - they are all just minor inconveniences. 

These small things are teaching me more of how to live in a broken world. 

These small things teach me more of God and noticing His nearness to us no matter the circumstance. They teach me to repeat His promises out loud to myself and act on them in belief. Sometimes for me, that involves a change of thought and a change in attitude. A direct choice of change that is not based on my feelings at the time. 

These small things (and Brent!) remind me to train my thoughts and mouth not to complain. (Philippians 2)

I am hoping that putting flowy words out into the world doesn’t make it seem like I have it all figured out because real life is always harder than what you see on paper (or screen). 

I usually write about things I am learning or need to put into action. Not something I have mastered. Most of the time, I feel like my writing exposes my sin and weakness, which leaves a lot of room open for judgment. So I am not as willing to press “publish” on this blog page at times. I will let the post sit for days till I finally click the button. At the same time, I hope you can relate and understand. As a Christian, you are probably dealing with the same feelings and learnings as me. We are all the same at the foot of the cross and that gives me hope that I am not alone. This is ultimately why I can press publish, so you can find hope and remember that you are not alone either. 

It’s quiet and solar-less here again tonight. This time around  I’m focusing my mind on being thankful and trying to get some rest. It’s a busy day tomorrow with more small things. 

Good-night friends. Sweet dreams. 

P.S. - you better believe I have a fan app on my phone going just for the noise! 😂🤗😂🤗😂