God uses the weak things.

God uses the weak things. Good thing, because I am weak. 

A few weeks ago on a Sunday night, I had an anxiety/panic attack. It was the worst one in years. I also thought it might have been stomach bug - maybe something I ate that day didn't agree with me. Whatever it was, it landed me sitting on the bathroom floor for about an hour, give or take. Brent felt most likely that it was anxiety/panic attack. 

It might have been around 2:00 when I finally felt like it was over and crawled back in the bed. Still breathing deep breaths, I clicked through Instagram stories as a distraction for my brain. I'm sure many experts would tell you that getting on social media is the worse thing you can do after an anxiety attack. But it seems to work for me. I don't really look the photos or read much of anything, but somehow there is a distraction for my brain. 

A few minutes later, I put the phone down, turned over and closed my eyes.

"That went from high to low really quickly," I thought, "I am really weak". 

Previously on Friday and Saturday, I had been out all day with our social worker from the Arise Center and several others going from house to house visiting current clients and photographing new clients to add to our food distribution program. It was my first time out in that part of the community and I was stoked. It was energizing and extremely tiring. 

Those two days had been filled with all these highs and barely 24 hours later, I was brought low by my body failing me. It just seemed ironic.  I might have laughed at myself if I had not just spent a few hours feeling like passing out or dying - whichever came first. 

My thoughts came at warp speed and three people popped in my mind at the same time. The prophet Elijah, George Mueller, and Martin Luther.  I remember thinking they all struggled with depression/anxiety. 

One of Elijah’s struggles was when he was hiding from Jezebel. He had just come down from Mt. Carmel where he had put the prophets of Baal to the slaughter and a downpour of rain came, ending the three year famine. Then he gets word that Jezebel has threatened to kill him and it sends him in downward spiral - so much so that he asked God to just go ahead and take his life.

Martin Luther had depression, but he still nailed 95 theses to the door. You know, some researchers now think he could have been bi-polar. 

As for George Mueller, I couldn't find any references to him struggling with anxiety or depression, but the man literally lived off of prayer and we know with his ministry there were plenty of struggles. So maybe that's why he came to mind. 

I do know I felt better remembering I wasn't alone.  Simultaneously, the thought came to me that God uses the weak things. The mind distracting scrolling had served some good because I remembered then that someone posted something about God using the foolish things. It was fresh in my mind. 

"Whew. That is so me. Weak and foolish." 

It helped me to instantly relax in grace and I was thankful for weakness.  There was peace in my heart, just not in my body. 

um.....WHAT?! I have never been thankful for an anxiety attack in my life. What an absurd thing to find thankfulness! It still sounds strange to me. I guess thankfulness doesn't always mean we are excited about something or that we just love it to pieces. No one gets excited over anxiety attacks or stomach bugs or bad days resulting from mistakes they made. 

Maybe it's more that we realize the grace we have in our lives. God is so patient with us. God doesn't discount us or wish He had chosen someone else because of our weaknesses. Instead, He uses it. Our not being enough, gives way for Him to be enough and work His power through us into something we could never do on our own. We understand our position with Christ a little more clearly from our circumstances. 

God chooses to use all of our humanity. All of our abilities and gifts. All of our emotions and passions. All of our highs and lows. All of our strengths and weaknesses.  Because are weak, the glory remains His. He works miracles out of our weakness. It brings Him joy to work His strength in us. It brings Him the glory when it’s His strength showing thru our glaring weaknesses.

I love Isaiah 61:1-4. Those have been my some of my favorite verses for a super long time.

We are "a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." (Isaiah 61:3b)  Especially in our weakness.

Can you imagine - you at your weakest moment, physically, mentally, even spiritually, etc. - God can use that circumstance, that timing, you, and me to display His splendor! It's against human nature to think anything good can come from weakness. I'm still learning about being grateful for my weaknesses. It's humbling, but peace-giving at the same time. 

Relax in God being enough for you and your weaknesses. Plant yourself in His goodness and grace. We weren't made to carry the world on our shoulders and we weren't made to save it. We were made to be salt and light, made to know Jesus, made to be displays of His splendor. 

Peace friends.