A Parenting Conference
Brent and I attended an adoption conference a few weekends ago. It was for social workers and foster/adoptive parents. Here are a few thoughts from the weekend:
I don't know why there isn't talk of the last issue stated above. It's possible that the facts might keep people from fostering or adopting or maybe the facts could just alert parents and help them be better prepared for what's coming.
There is research that states that:
77% of adoptive parents have to deal with their own anger/rage that is new to them.
50% of adoptive parents struggle with depression and use medication to control it.
93% of adoptive parents say they have wanted to run away from it all.
85% of adoptive parents say there is lack with post adoption support.
Those are some high numbers. If I had seen these numbers before we adopted, I probably would have said what everyone says, "It won't be like that for us." Why is it that we all think we won't be in the numbers?
I think some of those percents are high because of the emotions that parents are suddenly faced with that they probably didn't even know existed inside them. They feel alone because in their mind parenting, being a family, wasn't supposed to be this way or this hard.
Yes, there are plenty of trainings on the what-nots and how-tos of adoptive parenting. There are books, videos, conferences, counselors, etc. that are available for parents. Karyn Purvis is amazing. Her work with children is incredible. I wish she would move in with us for a few months….or years. Dr. Purvis and Show Hope have developed Empowered to Connect conferences and trainings. Most agencies require this type of training during the adoption process (and I am assuming during the foster parenting classes). We had some trainings and books to read during our process, but somehow with all this information we still managed to miss something…..reality.
Our reality came while we were in Peru. Seriously, the "honeymoon" ended on day 4 when we were granted legal custody.
*Moving into hotel seemed like a nice idea. You get fully equipped kitchen and a kind lady makes your bed and cleans the bathroom everyday! Works for me.
*Parenting conferences should be held at the beach or in the mountains.
*Parenting conferences should begin at 9:30 in the morning, so you can actually enjoy the break and sleep.
*Before fostering or adopting children you should get a degree in brain chemistry.
*Known fact: you need to parent foster and adoptive children differently because their brains are wired differently or even missing wire connections. Not kidding. This is when your brain chemistry degree will come in handy.
*Little know fact: if you were not parented the way adoptive children need to be parented, you as the parent will also have to rewire your brain. Except, no one talks about this issue; this is a problem.
(Commerical break from thoughts: I kinda just want to fall into this picture and sit here forever.)
(Commerical break from thoughts: I kinda just want to fall into this picture and sit here forever.)
I don't know why there isn't talk of the last issue stated above. It's possible that the facts might keep people from fostering or adopting or maybe the facts could just alert parents and help them be better prepared for what's coming.
There is research that states that:
77% of adoptive parents have to deal with their own anger/rage that is new to them.
50% of adoptive parents struggle with depression and use medication to control it.
93% of adoptive parents say they have wanted to run away from it all.
85% of adoptive parents say there is lack with post adoption support.
Those are some high numbers. If I had seen these numbers before we adopted, I probably would have said what everyone says, "It won't be like that for us." Why is it that we all think we won't be in the numbers?
I think some of those percents are high because of the emotions that parents are suddenly faced with that they probably didn't even know existed inside them. They feel alone because in their mind parenting, being a family, wasn't supposed to be this way or this hard.
Yes, there are plenty of trainings on the what-nots and how-tos of adoptive parenting. There are books, videos, conferences, counselors, etc. that are available for parents. Karyn Purvis is amazing. Her work with children is incredible. I wish she would move in with us for a few months….or years. Dr. Purvis and Show Hope have developed Empowered to Connect conferences and trainings. Most agencies require this type of training during the adoption process (and I am assuming during the foster parenting classes). We had some trainings and books to read during our process, but somehow with all this information we still managed to miss something…..reality.
Sometimes you just can't understand something until it actually happens to you. I think parenting is one of these "somethings", for anyone who becomes a parent whether you give birth to your child, foster, or adopt. At some point reality sets in and you have to make adjustments to your life.
Our reality came while we were in Peru. Seriously, the "honeymoon" ended on day 4 when we were granted legal custody.
I think I veered a little from thoughts on the parenting conference. The material wasn't new to us, but it's been a few years. We have changed and the kids have changed, so we understand how to handle a situations differently.
The conference came at the end of a very difficult week/month. It was a welcome break.
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