Six Observations of Youth Ministry Over the Past Ten Years
Brent and I have been married for 10 years. Brent accepted his first youth ministry position at the age of 18. I volunteered in youth at the church I attended in college and always at the church where I grew up. We knew or thought we knew what we were getting into when we got married.
We thought we were going into marital bliss and the fun, exciting life of youth ministry. Some of you are probably laughing right now. Well we have learned a few things along the way.
We left our first church for seminary. That was actually heart wrenching. I will never forget the day Brent resigned from that church. The tears that wouldn't stop falling. Those kids were our heart and we were leaving them. Who's idea was this to leave?! And have mercy one them carved Brent's name into the front pew!
We settled into seminary life and just attended church for a few years. That was different. Going to a church where no one knows you and you have no responsibilities was not normal for us. We still love that church.
At the time of his graduation from Seminary, Brent wasn't even sure if he wanted to do youth ministry again. We tossed around the idea of working for a ministry, just not on a church staff.
(Apparently that wasn't the plan because we are just ending a 3 and 1/2 ministry at a church in a not-so-quiet small town.)
After seminary, we accepted a job at church close to home. We were there a just short time. Shorter than we thought. This church loved and supported us during the years of waiting for the kids to come home. We will always be grateful to them. In fact, one of our students from there happens to be Brent's intern this summer.
We moved from there to here. I will be the first to say youth ministry with a major University smack in the middle of town is different than a town without a major university.
This church has been on the journey with us through the hardest years of our lives. In fact, in some ways I feel like they don't even know the real me because I changed so much once the kids came home. We have also seen God do a miracle in our lives while being here.
Over these years of individual and combined ministry, we have learned a few things.
1.) Youth ministry should really just give extra support to what is being taught by parents in the home and a place for like-minded teens to hang out together for encouragement, support, and deep friendships.
Unfortunately, it's not that way anymore. Now the youth group is expected to have the latest and best entertainment and be spiritual leader for teens. Hmmm.....something needs to change.
2.) Youth ministry is crazy busy.
Providing fun, safe activities for teens a couple of times a month, having a Bible studies prepared for 3 different sessions, counseling teens and sometimes their parents. Youth ministers attend ballgames, recitals, competitions, and make hospital visits. Getting to church or an event early and staying late comes with the job too. Going to plenty of summer, fall, and winter camps/retreats are crammed into the schedule around holiday events at the church. All the while going to school, having family time, finding personal time are somewhere on the priority list. Church meetings on weekday nights. Having the keys to the church is like having a pot of gold, everyone wants you to come unlock the door.
3.) Sometimes there is a pressure for the youth minister to be all things to all people all of the time.
Youth ministers know that they aren't enough. They can't be there every time the world crashes. They can't go to all the places. They get frustrated and tired of failed attempts. They run out of steam. Why? Because youth ministers aren't Jesus (or any minister for that matter). An imperfect person and their job description cannot replace your relationship with Jesus. People are responsible for themselves, their family, and their relationship with Jesus. The minister cannot do it for you.
I'm guessing this is why there are times (for every minister) when walking away and going to work at Wal-mart sounds appealing. Sometimes it's easy to forget why you responded to God at all and you're close to deciding that living off the land in the back 40 of some mountain range is do-able and alluring.
But then.....but then there's that one kid. The one kid that starts asking questions. The one kid who is desperate for a role model. The one kid who is doing everything right, but is ridiculed at school and you want them to have support. There is that one kid you'd give your left arm for if they'd ask Jesus to save their soul. That one kid who's world is collapsing and needs someone to blame and you're the easy target; but you still hold out hope that this kid will come back enough times to hear love and acceptance if they'd quit fighting and running so hard. There's the one kid. That one kid turns into 20 kids or 40 kids. Then God uses them to remind you why you said yes in the first place. Which brings me to observation number four: why did you say yes.
4.) Why did you say yes? You said yes because of obedience.
You said yes because you love them. Somehow they have become "your kids" and you care deeply about their life. You said yes because Jesus gives you enough grace for them. You said yes because of hope. They need to know this Jesus life is possible. They need to know that someone is for them, on their side. They need to know that someone is rooting for them to succeed in all that is good and holy. You said yes so they will believe they will always find forgiveness no matter their mess ups.
In all honesty, that someone should be their parents, brothers, sisters, and friends. It should never just be the youth minister. But in this world, sometimes that's the case. There isn't always a family support system for some teenagers and you have to stand in the gap.
5.) Youth ministry feels like family.
You get to know the neatest kids. You get invited into their homes and you gain more family. When you live away from your family, they become your family. You love them and they love you back. You see kids walk away and come back. You get to see kids rise above failures. You get to teach them Jesus; He does the rest. You teach them to run to Him instead of you. You teach them He is enough, because once they flip their tassel, they are gone and off to college. You hope they remember what they were taught. You hope it was enough. You hope they follow Him and take a stand for all things good and holy. You watch them grow up. Some kids stay the course, some don't. They graduate with college degrees and get big kid jobs. You perform wedding ceremonies and hold their babies, which makes you feel old. You feel proud for their accomplishments. You still cheer for them and hope they know you're still on their side.
6.) You might wonder if it was even worth it.
Did you make a difference? Did what you say or how you live matter or help anybody? Then you remember that never was really about you in the first place. It was about them. It was about Jesus. It was about Jesus finding them. It was about showing His love, so they would find it for themselves and follow Him. It was about living a life so they would know they could do it.
And every once in awhile, someone says thanks.
Well there you have it; a blog post turned mini-novel. It's just a few observations. I'm sure there are a million more.
.
It's good life, youth ministry. It's a hard life. It's a life you can't live by yourself. It's a life for which we are truly thankful.
We thought we were going into marital bliss and the fun, exciting life of youth ministry. Some of you are probably laughing right now. Well we have learned a few things along the way.
We left our first church for seminary. That was actually heart wrenching. I will never forget the day Brent resigned from that church. The tears that wouldn't stop falling. Those kids were our heart and we were leaving them. Who's idea was this to leave?! And have mercy one them carved Brent's name into the front pew!
We settled into seminary life and just attended church for a few years. That was different. Going to a church where no one knows you and you have no responsibilities was not normal for us. We still love that church.
At the time of his graduation from Seminary, Brent wasn't even sure if he wanted to do youth ministry again. We tossed around the idea of working for a ministry, just not on a church staff.
(Apparently that wasn't the plan because we are just ending a 3 and 1/2 ministry at a church in a not-so-quiet small town.)
After seminary, we accepted a job at church close to home. We were there a just short time. Shorter than we thought. This church loved and supported us during the years of waiting for the kids to come home. We will always be grateful to them. In fact, one of our students from there happens to be Brent's intern this summer.
We moved from there to here. I will be the first to say youth ministry with a major University smack in the middle of town is different than a town without a major university.
This church has been on the journey with us through the hardest years of our lives. In fact, in some ways I feel like they don't even know the real me because I changed so much once the kids came home. We have also seen God do a miracle in our lives while being here.
Over these years of individual and combined ministry, we have learned a few things.
1.) Youth ministry should really just give extra support to what is being taught by parents in the home and a place for like-minded teens to hang out together for encouragement, support, and deep friendships.
Unfortunately, it's not that way anymore. Now the youth group is expected to have the latest and best entertainment and be spiritual leader for teens. Hmmm.....something needs to change.
2.) Youth ministry is crazy busy.
Providing fun, safe activities for teens a couple of times a month, having a Bible studies prepared for 3 different sessions, counseling teens and sometimes their parents. Youth ministers attend ballgames, recitals, competitions, and make hospital visits. Getting to church or an event early and staying late comes with the job too. Going to plenty of summer, fall, and winter camps/retreats are crammed into the schedule around holiday events at the church. All the while going to school, having family time, finding personal time are somewhere on the priority list. Church meetings on weekday nights. Having the keys to the church is like having a pot of gold, everyone wants you to come unlock the door.
3.) Sometimes there is a pressure for the youth minister to be all things to all people all of the time.
Youth ministers know that they aren't enough. They can't be there every time the world crashes. They can't go to all the places. They get frustrated and tired of failed attempts. They run out of steam. Why? Because youth ministers aren't Jesus (or any minister for that matter). An imperfect person and their job description cannot replace your relationship with Jesus. People are responsible for themselves, their family, and their relationship with Jesus. The minister cannot do it for you.
I'm guessing this is why there are times (for every minister) when walking away and going to work at Wal-mart sounds appealing. Sometimes it's easy to forget why you responded to God at all and you're close to deciding that living off the land in the back 40 of some mountain range is do-able and alluring.
But then.....but then there's that one kid. The one kid that starts asking questions. The one kid who is desperate for a role model. The one kid who is doing everything right, but is ridiculed at school and you want them to have support. There is that one kid you'd give your left arm for if they'd ask Jesus to save their soul. That one kid who's world is collapsing and needs someone to blame and you're the easy target; but you still hold out hope that this kid will come back enough times to hear love and acceptance if they'd quit fighting and running so hard. There's the one kid. That one kid turns into 20 kids or 40 kids. Then God uses them to remind you why you said yes in the first place. Which brings me to observation number four: why did you say yes.
4.) Why did you say yes? You said yes because of obedience.
You said yes because you love them. Somehow they have become "your kids" and you care deeply about their life. You said yes because Jesus gives you enough grace for them. You said yes because of hope. They need to know this Jesus life is possible. They need to know that someone is for them, on their side. They need to know that someone is rooting for them to succeed in all that is good and holy. You said yes so they will believe they will always find forgiveness no matter their mess ups.
In all honesty, that someone should be their parents, brothers, sisters, and friends. It should never just be the youth minister. But in this world, sometimes that's the case. There isn't always a family support system for some teenagers and you have to stand in the gap.
5.) Youth ministry feels like family.
You get to know the neatest kids. You get invited into their homes and you gain more family. When you live away from your family, they become your family. You love them and they love you back. You see kids walk away and come back. You get to see kids rise above failures. You get to teach them Jesus; He does the rest. You teach them to run to Him instead of you. You teach them He is enough, because once they flip their tassel, they are gone and off to college. You hope they remember what they were taught. You hope it was enough. You hope they follow Him and take a stand for all things good and holy. You watch them grow up. Some kids stay the course, some don't. They graduate with college degrees and get big kid jobs. You perform wedding ceremonies and hold their babies, which makes you feel old. You feel proud for their accomplishments. You still cheer for them and hope they know you're still on their side.
6.) You might wonder if it was even worth it.
Did you make a difference? Did what you say or how you live matter or help anybody? Then you remember that never was really about you in the first place. It was about them. It was about Jesus. It was about Jesus finding them. It was about showing His love, so they would find it for themselves and follow Him. It was about living a life so they would know they could do it.
And every once in awhile, someone says thanks.
Well there you have it; a blog post turned mini-novel. It's just a few observations. I'm sure there are a million more.
.
It's good life, youth ministry. It's a hard life. It's a life you can't live by yourself. It's a life for which we are truly thankful.
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