Eshet Chayil
Back in November 2019, the ladies of the small group I am apart of at my home church went on a women’s retreat to the mountains. We had less than 10 go. There was a time of change coming and it seemed a good way to mark the change.
Naturally, we talked about being wives and moms. But we also talked about just being women and our relationship with God.
One focus was on Proverbs 31:25,
“Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the days to come.”
If you’re like me, you have probably rolled your eyes at least once when the subject of Proverbs 31 has come about in sermons, weekly Bible studies, retreat themes, etc. Perhaps this is because of the way Proverbs 31 has been taught in some scenarios as a list of attributes of the perfect woman. Usually all I got out of it was that I am not perfect and a reminder of all the ways I am NOT a Proverbs 31 woman.
I was curious about the part of the Proverb that says, “she laughs at the days to come”.
How did she do that? This led me to do a little research on Proverbs 31 and what I found made me view this chapter with new thought.
We know this was taught from a mother to a son. In fact, it was from the Queen Mother to her King son. It would seem from verses 10 – 31 that she has high expectations of the woman her son should marry. I’m glad he wasn’t looking for me. There are several mentions of sewing in the text and I totally missed the domestic sewing gene. Now I LOVE fabric and ribbon and buttons. I could spend hours in fabric stores dreaming of all the uses for this bolt or that bolt. Sometimes, I just want to buy the fabric or ribbon just in case I “need” it. It’s only two yards right and it’s so soft, beautiful, whimsical, perfect for my next project! Sadly, I cannot seem to get the thread and the needle to produce what I see in my head or on the pattern!
Most of us can quote verse 10 and depending on your translation, it will read something like this:
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. NIV
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.NLT
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.ESV
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. NKJV
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. KJV
Who can find a capable wife? She is far more precious than jewels.
The wife of noble character or the virtuous woman is best translated, “woman of valor”
The Hebrew words are Eshet Chayil or Eishet Chayil. I keep seeing it spelled both ways.
Eshet means: woman, wife, feminine.
Chayil means: strength, might, efficiency, valor, wealth, army, valiant, power, worthy
According to my research, in the Jewish culture, it is the men who memorize this section of Scripture. The poem is used as a song to sing praise over the women in their lives. The song is meant to honor the work and show appreciation for all the woman’s qualities, strength, and work that she has done during the week and in preparation for the Shabbat meal.
I read several articles that the original custom (although no one seems to know when this custom started) was to sing it over the matriarch of the home in the evenings on Fridays at the beginning of the Shabbat (or Sabbath) meal before the Kiddush. Kiddush means “sanctification” and it is a blessing that is given before the wine at the Shabbat meal.
I think also this is a challenge for men to not look for perfection in women, but for men (as husbands/fathers/sons) to encourage and appreciate the simple and hard tasks that their mom/daughters/wives are already doing daily.
The verses of Proverbs 31:10-31 are meant to be a blessing, a praise, an honor given to women. Not be a checklist for the perfect woman.
Rachel Held Evans has a wonderful article about this in which she talks about her Jewish friend, Ahava. Rachel says Ahava told her that she and her friends use “eshet chayil” to cheer each other on during the week. They use it like saying, “you go, girl!” over the completion of the mundane, everyday tasks or something you have worked hard to accomplish. What a great idea! In the same article, Rachel also discusses that Boaz also uses the words, eshet chayil, to describe Ruth in Ruth 3:11.
Contrary to what I seemed to get out of Proverbs 31 before – that it was a checklist of what women should do – maybe Proverbs 31 is more about how you go about completing your goal/task than what the goal/task actually is.
It’s completing your daily commitments and responsibilities in your home, at your job or your personal goals when you feel overwhelmed or want to give up.
(-It is also the wisdom to NOT over commit - saying no takes courage and confidence sometimes!)
It’s found in how you interact with your community in wisdom, compassion, and integrity.
It’s facing all your own imperfections and meeting the challenges of everyday life head on, not with fear, but with strength and courage. It’s starting over the next day when your imperfections get the best of you. Sometimes it is just surviving the day, the week, the month and getting up the next day to do all the same things again, by putting one foot in front of the other.
Valor is great courage in the face of danger, especially in battle. We may not be in physical danger or in a physical battle, but we are in a spiritual battle. We find God in all the details of our everyday life and having courage to do the mundane things over and over while fighting the enemy is definitely worth celebrating!
So the next time you:
graduate from a school
get the job promotion
send your last child off to kindergarten
mop the floors
solve a misunderstanding with your friend/relative
finish the laundry
when you reach that goal you’ve been working toward so diligently
or whatever it is in your life that you accomplished with valor – give yourself (or your friend) the blessing of “eshet chayil” Celebrate with her and sing praise over her. God gifted us differently. We should encourage each other to be women of valor so that each woman can succeed at where she is in her life.
How does the woman of valor laugh at the days to come? I think it’s that she knows her strength and worth come from the Lord and she is not defined by what she does. He is her peace. He is her provider. He is her constant help, her confidence, and her companion. He is everything. She knows can laugh at the days to come because her victory is with Him.
Eshet Chayil friend!
P.S. How we named Breanna. When we were choosing Breanna's name - all the names I kept coming up with didn't seem to mean anything. I really wanted our kid's names to have meaning. Brent suggested the name Breanna because it contains part of my name and the three first letters of his name. I looked it up and the name Breanna also means, "strong, noble, virtuous." So there you go. That's how Breanna got her name.
P.S. How we named Breanna. When we were choosing Breanna's name - all the names I kept coming up with didn't seem to mean anything. I really wanted our kid's names to have meaning. Brent suggested the name Breanna because it contains part of my name and the three first letters of his name. I looked it up and the name Breanna also means, "strong, noble, virtuous." So there you go. That's how Breanna got her name.
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