Honestly,

I have all these things I want to be one day. Right now, this way, is not one of them. I have started writing when I am upset or sentimental. It's a release. It's a way to remember. It's when I am most raw about my feelings. Sometimes raw is not good. Raw feelings and emotions often include harsh, angry words that are untrue and would have never been said had self-control taken the place of raw.

Paul had trouble with this too. He said:

"For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18a)  In Romans 7:15, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." 

It's the battle between the flesh and the Spirit. We who are free, can choose. We can choose because the Spirit in us is more powerful. He is more powerful than raw emotions and feelings. You and I have the power to keep our mouths shut. James, the half-brother of Jesus, talks about the power tongue and even goes as far to say that "If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check." (James 3: 2) 
Perfection. Something to be strived for, but never attained. Running in the race to get the prize. But the race doesn't end till we see Jesus. Perfection doesn't come until Jesus.

He already came once and showed us what to do with raw emotions, showed us about taking every thought captive, showed us about giving unconditional love to people who spit in our face. He left earth. But He said he wouldn't leave us as orphans, He would come. (John 14:18) . He came again in the Holy Spirit to remind us of everything He said and taught us. He came to be our counselor. Someone to  run to when we are excited or in a flurry of tears we mess up and have spit in the face of another.

I wonder if He chuckled when He told the disciples of the coming Holy Spirit. You think He thought of the power that would be within us? Maybe he couldn't wait for that part of the plan. Maybe He couldn't wait us to see the awesomeness of God. I wonder if He chuckled at the excitement that He knew was coming.

Sometimes I write in stream of conciousness . It's either that or beat the speed bag that hangs in the garage. I think about the Creator who made these emotions and how His power overcomes them by focusing our thoughts on what is good and what is right. He brings calm into the chaos. He blankets the fire with mercy and opening our minds to a better way of life. It's humbling and messy. Raw words leave raw scares on hearts, even hearts locked in ironclads can be scarred. The blanket of mercy covers us and as the fire dies, I am left feeling and needing restoration. This humbling, it seems weak. But the very thing that seems to be the weakest,  always shows God's strength. (2 Cor. 12:10) Strength that brings about forgiveness and hope. Strength that binds up brokeness.

It is in our weakness that the Holy Spirit groans for us. He prays for us in our weakness. Then God's strength comes and God works out  our weakness for good. (Rom. 8:26-28) It's part of His character, His goodness, His favor, His mercy that is all offered to us. It's a gift. It's ours for the taking, even in raw emotions and messy days.

His heart is good towards us.

God is only good.